Fire in the Bosom

Sexual Lust in the Heart

Editor's Note: Part 1 of this article is a warning to all men of the danger of sexual harassment lawsuits on the job, regardless of any actual lust. Part 2 is for the Christian man who may be struggling with lust and wants a pure thought life.

Dangers on the Job

In this litigious age where lawyers do not care about right and wrong, only what is legal or illegal, and courts observe the letter of the law, and not the spirit (they strain at gnats and swallow camels, Matt. 23:24), men working, even in genuine innocence, can still be charged with molestation by a woman who so chooses. The laws today allow anonymity in accusations without any evidence required. That man who is innocently putting an arm around a co worker is setting himself up for such a charge. And he may spend thousands of dollars to expunge the record when innocent. Men, you need to act with wisdom in how you communicate with women.

Practical Protection

ŸProtect yourself from false accusation by “abstaining from all appearance of evil” (1 Thess. 5:22). Make no unnessary physical contact with a co-worker.

Natural affection has its place, but should be wisely expressed. Hug from the side to avoid frontal contact. A hand on the shoulder is usually more appropriate.

Be careful of what you say. Flirting to build rapport is inappropriate and easily misconstrued. Your speech towards the women should always be professional and neutral in tone.

Like, Job, “make a covenant with your eyes” (Job 31:1) by not looking where you should not be looking. Women know when you gaze upon inappropriate body parts. Dolly Parton once said that she never dates a man who can not tell her what color her eyes are. If they can’t, they never looked her in the face. Women know were you look.

The women should also take responsibility by dressing and grooming appropriately so as to convey godly modesty (1 Pet 3:3-4) which will not provoke inappropriate thinking, however, in the world they have no such convictions.

Please do not think that you are at constant risk of a false accusation, for the majority of people are supportive and encouraging. However, there are many dynamics in a family life. You do not know what woman has already been molested by her father, brother, or some other person. Nor do you know some of the problems some of the single mothers are struggling with that might make you an easy target for a lawsuit.

Just remember what Jesus said,

Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves: be ye therefore wise as serpents, and harmless as doves. (Matt 10:16 KJV)

For those secretly struggling with lust

If you are a Christian struggling with lust, the rest of the article is for you.

Steps Towards Deliverance

George Barna is a Christian pollster who has reported in several surveys, “Similarly, while Christians are exhorted to not engage in behaviors such as gambling or filling their minds with inappropriate sexual images through pornography, millions do so on a regular basis.” [“Survey Shows Faith Impacts Some Behaviors But Not Others“, October 22, 2002] This means many Christian men actively view pornography. That includes pastors and leaders in the church.

Men who lust in their hearts over women in their churches or jobs, even if they never act upon their lusts, are destroying themselves and creating problems for the women. We need a proper perspective on these relationships.

Let’s have a divine perspective. God did not give male sex drives to women. That is a lie of the world promoted by television, the movies, the press, and liberal and feminist organizations. Men think about sex frequently, whereas sex rarely comes into the feminine minds. Gary Smalley once said that male sexuality is like a microwave, instantaneous and ready all the time. Whereas, female sexuality is like a crock-pot, slow to warm up and needing hours of simmering. The wisdom of this arrangement, as one preacher pointed out, is that if women did have male sex drives, we would have a lot of sex, but nothing would get done. Likewise, if men had female sex drives, we would have close intimate heart to heart relationships, accomplish many things, but never have children, and die out as a species.

Men have a distorted image of themselves just as women have of themselves. Most men think they are still attractive to other women, even younger woman, whereas many woman can only see the faults in themselves. We need a realistic perspective on who we are.

For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. (Rom 12:3 KJV)

Masculine Lust

Another distinct difference between male and female sexuality is that men are predominately visual and women are tactile. Women were made to be touched, and enjoy being touched, in God‘s design, for the nurturing of infants and children. Visual stimulation is one reason why many men are hooked on pornography, especially since it is so readily available now in the privacy of their homes through the Internet. Regrettably, this is a dirty secret of the church as many Christian men are also participating in this degradation. That private practice affects Christian men (and men in general) spiritually which is death and destruction to their marriages (if married), to their work, and to their relationship to the God and the church.

Biblical Perspective

As a Christian you already know that lust in the heart is wrong. But there is power in the Word of God, and a review of what the Bible says still needs rehearsing. The commands warning against immorality are numerous. These are just a few examples.

Lust not after her beauty in thine heart; neither let her take thee with her eyelids. For by means of a whorish woman a man is brought to a piece of bread: and the adulteress will hunt for the precious life. Can a man take fire in his bosom, and his clothes not be burned? Can one go upon hot coals, and his feet not be burned? So he that goeth in to his neighbour's wife; whosoever toucheth her shall not be innocent. (Prov 6:25-29 KJV)

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? (1 Cor 6:18-19 KJV)

Thou shalt not commit adultery. (Exod 20:14 KJV)

Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. (Matt 5:27-28 KJV)

Notice that Paul told the Corinthians: “Flee fornication.” He said the same thing to Timothy: “Flee also youthful lusts” (2 Tim 2:22 KJV) We are never told to resist lust, only to flee it.

Here is the male paradox. God gave us our sexual drive, but his plan had always been for it to be contained within the context of marriage to one woman.

But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female. For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. (Mark 10:6-9 KJV)

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge. (Heb 13:4 KJV)

So why do men lust after other women? While I was a student at Christ for the Nations, an elderly couple, perhaps in their late “60’s or early “70’s, ministered to the student body. The wife make a remarkable statement: “Girls I want you to get this in your head: All men are attracted to all women, at all times.” That doesn’t mean that all men act on these impulses, but the attraction is there nonetheless, which makes a real danger in all men working with girls, teens and women.

I believe the answer to my question as to why men have such a strong drive can be found once again in the Scriptures. Jesus is God who became a man, and is the Creator of the world (John 1:1-3, 14). The world was spoken into existence by the Word of the Lord (Gen. 1:1-3). Jesus said of his own words,

It is the spirit that quickeneth; the flesh profiteth nothing: the words that I speak unto you, they are spirit, and they are life. (John 6:63 KJV)

That is a profound statement. If God speaks, things happen. As a guideline for discerning whether you have heard from God or not, one test is the quickening, or life giving, impact of the words. God’s words will motivate you into action. It is this principal that I am addressing regarding male sexuality. For God told Adam and Eve,

And God blessed them, and God said unto them, Be fruitful, and multiply, and replenish the earth, (Gen 1:28 KJV)

That is the direct command to have sex by God. The drive to reproduce is in both men and women, but is biased according to the gender. I tell young women not to put off having a family for a career, because of the limitation of time that a woman can bear children. That window of opportunity is from 16 to 27, or thereabouts. After the late 20’s a woman’s ability to have the first child diminishes due to health problems to develop. Also, the biological clock is actually ticking away since a girl is born with every egg she will ever have, and when the menstrual cycle begins, she loses one egg a month, never to be replaced again. But that is an aside and not my point. My point regarding women is that they may think that they do not want children yet, but the desire is in them nonetheless since the quickening word of God is in women to be fruitful and multiply. Many women of my generation who chose careers instead of families are dismayed to realize they can never bear children, which has broken their hearts.

There is another aspect to the words of God: while a single statement may be made, implied in that statement can be a wealth of meaning.

The words of the LORD are pure words: as silver tried in a furnace of earth, purified seven times. (Ps 12:6 KJV)

When the Lord said, "Let there be light" implied in those words were all the information regarding the electomagnetic spectrum and all the laws of physics pertaining to light. Even though only a few words were spoken, much more is behind the words of the Lord.

So, getting back to sexuality. The command to be fruitful in woman has the gender bias of nurturing children. In men it has the gender bias of visual excitement and readiness to procreate. It is part of the command of God in men that makes the difference. God commands and we must obey.

However, the Fall of man has perverted that obedience so that it is not confined to marriage. Therefore in this fallen world, we must exercise self-control so that it is properly channeled into the ordained relationship of marriage. Please note, too, that the God given sexual drive is not the same as lust. Lust is a state of mind fed by the imagination so that a man is continually thingking on sex. This state of mind is the norm for unregenerate men. The God given sexual drive is not run by the imagination but is spontaneous with natural foreplay with one's spouse.

Imagination

We are told in this era to “Let our imaginations run wild.” This is a demonic doctrine of the world. Our imaginations are powerful forces like machine guns that we are told to shoot freely anywhere. Imagination is to be controlled and directed into godly, edifying enterprises, not in a no holds barred manner. Remember that the world was condemned by the Flood because,

GOD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every imagination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. (Gen 6:5 KJV)

It matters to God what we think. Our thought life is the primary area of our Christian discipleship. We are told by Paul to,

Cast down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ; (2 Cor 10:5 KJV)

The word “imagination” in Hebrew [3336 yetser] used in Genesis 6:5 regarding the Flood, and various other places in the Old Testament, literally means “conception (i.e. purpose)”. In other words there is a procreative aspect to imagination. What you imagine gives birth to reality. James said,

But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death. (James 1:14-15 KJV)

Any man who thinks that viewing pornography is harmless is deceiving himself. Viewing pornography is an activity of the imagination, and our imaginations are designed by God to be a stimulus or motivator to action. View that stuff enough, and eventually you will act upon it.

Now, let’s get back into the church or the job. If you have imagined sex with anyone apart from your spouse (and if you are single, that means anyone), you have begun the process of action. Where is the wisdom of such imaginations? There is no wisdom, it is folly.

Christians Falling

The problem of Christian men becoming addicted to pornography of imaginations of the heart of lust has another consideration to be discussed. Christ has given us a victory that exchanges His life for ours, which means His desires for us. Because we have freedom of choice, you can be delivered and still fall back into bondage again. Any one who is serious about walking with Christ can have circumstances throw them off balance.

As a young believer, I knew I had to control lust, which was a constant battle because I was single and desperately wanted to get married. I had an engagement to a lovely body builder. At that time I worked off shore, 7 days on and 7 days off on an oil rig. While gone a former bodybuilder boyfriend seduced her. When I found out my heart was broken and I broke off the engagement. I became overwhelmed with lust. I went to see the movie Pretty Woman. The movie is not that sensual, but my heart made it so. After watching the movie I sat and cried to the Lord, “Why did I do such a thing and watch that movie?” The Lord spoke very clearly to me, “Because your heart was broken.” Proverbs says:

Hope deferred maketh the heart sick: but when the desire cometh, it is a tree of life. (Prov 13:12 KJV)

I believe that the many men who are struggling with lust, do so because of disappointment in some area or other. Single men who are tired of waiting for marriage, married men who discovered that their wives did not match their imaginations, or many other scenarios. This is a knee jerk reaction, that can quickly become a bondage. In truth, it is a form of rebellion and disobedience in blaming God for the disappointment. God, however, is not the cause of disappointment, for He is good and promised good towards you.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. (Jer 29:11 KJV)

It is the devil who has come to rob you of your joy. Satan knows that discouragement will prompt foolish behavior. Jesus said:

The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly. (John 10:10 KJV)

Deliverance

If you are a genuine born again Christian, you have God on your side to bring you deliverance. But deliverance is not necessarily automatic. The sexual drive is God given, so that cannot be removed. The problem is one of sanctification, or separation of the godly drive for a family from the worldly means of escape. So I suggest these simple steps.

Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time: Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. (1 Pet 5:6-7 KJV)

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh: (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds;) (2 Cor 10:3-4 KJV)

For this is the heart of genuine discipleship.

Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting. And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. (Gal 6:7-9 KJV)

This means if you lust in your heart, God will reveal this. Perhaps not openly. You may become a victim of gossip that slanders you. Therefore: