Living Free in the Spirit of Christ

Free The Church

Discovering Your Spouse

Finding the soul of your spouse

Published on: Jul 13, 2008

A few days ago I was talking to a plumber about homeschooling his children. It has been my observation as a gymnastics coach that the home school children make better gymnasts because of their confidence. Removing children from the house and putting them into institutions, whether public education or private, creates ontological insecurities. Those kids taught at home have a basic self confidence that is created by the assurance of love demonstrated by their parents investing their time into their education. Besides, I said, who else knows your kids better than you? Isn’t it true that it is every parent’s responsibility to discover the gifts that are in your kids? Who else is going to take the time to provide different activities that will show them what they either excel at or fail at? No parent really knows the gifts and talents God has endowed in their children when they are born, and part of the joy of raising kids is discovering what those gifts are along with them as they grow up.

Sadly, too few parents are involved in this discovery process with their children as they farm their kids out to the institutions. We have had generations of kids grow up as adults who are insecure because of this and have never really discovered their giftings and talents that God has endowed them with. Consequently their are millions of people in jobs they don’t like because they don’t know what they really like to do.

After my conversation with the plumber, I realized that this should be an integral part of marriage. We come into marriages not knowing who our spouse is, and, often the spouse does not know what giftings he or she has. Sadly, again, too often spouses discourage the gifts within each other instead of helping each other explore those gifts. When relating this realization to a friend, he shared that his wife had resented his creative writing and artistic painting for years when they first were married. From her point of view, it was a a waste of time, not producing income or building the family. It is only in the last few years of their middle aged lives that she has accepted his artistic endeavors. How much better would their marriage have been if they both were encouraging each other in their giftings!

As I have talked with Christians over the last few decades, I have realized that many have no idea who they are in Christ, either. This is a compound of the problem. Christians who don’t know what natural talents that God has endowed them with, nor understood what it means to be the new creature in Christ. And how does that play out in the marriage scenario? Spouses not knowing their natural gifts, nor the supernatural gift of the life in Christ?

How can we have true freedom in Christ if we do not know these two aspects of our very own being? As the proverb says:

It is the glory of God to conceal a thing: but the honour of kings is to search out a matter. Prov 25:2 (KJV)

Husbands we are the kings of our household. God has concealed these things in your spouse and children. Help them to discover their gifts and talents by encouraging them, and you will be amazed at what you have discovered when you have searched out the matter.

Comments to Original Post

Submitted on 07/21/2008

Thank you for this, Alex.

Although I am not yet married, I absorb all I can from hearing others experiences, stories, suggestions who are. I believe marriage is one of the most important relationships (2nd to our personal relationship with God) that we have while here on earth. When God grants me this beautiful gift, I want to be as prepared as I can be. It’s my deepest hope that I and my future husband have a solid marriage. Sure, I know we’ll have rough times, and mistakes (which is human), but in the big picture, my deepest prayer is for a good marriage.

I read the book “Sacred Romance” and “Captivating” both by John Eldridge; “The Mystery of Marriage” by Mike Mason (all three I strongly recommend). In reading these, the Spirit deeply showed me some significant things I needed to understand and learn.

~Amy 🙂

Submitted on 07/21/2008

Marriage is the most important relationship of all. It is the illustration of our own marriage to Christ. It gives us the understanding of how we are the joined to Him as His body, yet are separate from Him as His spouse and children.

For all who are unmarried learn about marriage by examining how your spiritual Husband relates to you before He brings you a physical husband. Blessings upon you.

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